Do you ever wake up thinking you’ve left it all too late?

stage hypnosis webp

Last night I woke up at 3.00am

Panicking.

I’d gone to bed excited – inspired, fallen asleep and then woken up by a crowd of different voices in my head, each shouting at me, frightened, anxious and  insistent that I should attend to them now.  

Schizophrenia?

Not an entirely unreasonable suggestion –  

But no! My awareness of this fragmentation within my psyche affords me the comfort that for now my personality remains within the sane boundaries of ‘whole’ at least most of the day.

Anyway, the cause of this internal kafuffle had been a late night training session on line. I’d attended a zoom session hosted by MMHA, that’s Mike Mandel Hypnosis Academy, which had been led by Michael C Antony who had been invited to share some of his expertise on stage hypnosis.

I hadn’t planned to go, hadn’t known it was happening but I happened to receive an email invite at the exact moment when I was sitting at home alone and free…

It just so happened that my head has been awash with questions about my future:

Questions like, ‘what now?’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Is that really a good idea’?

 In terms of my career I’ve been feeling a little stuck. Yes, I’m making a living from hypnotherapy – just – most of the time.

If you’d told me I’d be where I was now a few years ago, I’d have been proud and excited, but I’ve changed a lot in a few years. I have every right to change – hypnosis tends to change you. Besides, I’ve done a lot of studying, not just hypnotherapy, and other things too. Basically, I’ve been working incredibly hard – it’s the first time in my life, I’ve been too busy to write. Yes I know I’m writing this, but this is shit and it doesn’t count.

This is a compromise: I’m writing this because I can’t always bear the alternative.

But this…this is all about the keywords, so I’m sorry, if you’re reading this and feeling used.

The truth is…in between the gaps of marketing and hypnotherapy session lulls, I’ve been reflecting on how to change what I’m doing because currently I’m continually having to chase new clients and convince new people that I’m an excellent hypnotherapist near me. I appreciate that selling your services as someone who runs their own business is an essential component, however I did not sign up to be a sales woman. I’ve studied and taught ‘Death of a Salesman’ for years and it’s in my bones. It’s not the death I want: death by disillusionment. No thank you, that’s for the young.

So, whilst I love helping people stop smoking with hypnosis, or help people improve their confidence with hypnotherapy, (Yeah Yeah Yeah, feeding the algorithms again – don’t take it personally. I’ve told you what I’m doing.) I don’t love spending all my time making videos or writing blogs like this trying to include as many keywords like ‘improve confidence with hypnosis’ or ‘hypnotherapy to perform confidently’ so for a while, I’ve been wondering how I can do things differently, how I can do more of what I enjoy, utilise more of my talents.

So when I attended this call, I was open, arguably desperate, for some clarity and guidance. And it was a really fun session and I left the call inspired, thinking I could a lot of the things I was watching, not in exactly the same way, but things like it. I can do the stage hypnosis. I can do the rapport. I can be funny. And if push came to shove I could learn a few card tricks. I can certainly shuffle. In short, I could become a successful stage hypnotist. Afterall I’ve been developing the confidence to perform. I’ve been performing stand-up comedy and incorporating bits of stage hypnosis and it’s felt like a path has begun to emerge for me.

I didn’t go to bed straight after the call. I stayed up and watched some Japanese war series ‘shogun’ with my husband and then tried to go to sleep by reading another depressing Arthur Miller play called ‘All My Son’s.’ It did the trick and I fell asleep.

Not for long though: as I said at the beginning of this, I woke up in a panic. It was 3.00am

And the voices I could hear were saying things like: ‘you can’t do that,’ ‘Can you imagine how much organization this is going to require?’ ‘What about all the driving?’ ‘Besides you’re going to be dead soon.’

By soon, that particular part was estimating – quite generously – twenty years. Unfortunately another voice was chiming in that that voice was being unrealistic and it was far more likely that I’d develop a debilitating illness way before I died in twenty years and the chances of me having the time to develop such a dynamic new strand to my skill set was ludicrous.

Even as I write this, I find myself convinced and agreeing with those voices.

So what did I do?

I’m a talented hypnotherapist. I can put myself into self-hypnosis and enabled me to fill myself with confidence through hypnosis, free myself from doubt and my own limiting beliefs in my abilities.

No I didn’t do that.

 I took a couple of codeine tablets that I happened to have for my back injury and went to sleep, knowing that I’d wake up groggy.

When I woke up, I can’t tell you I felt the clarity I’d have liked to have felt.  But I do believe the night time panic, the mini-crisis is pointing me somewhere important.

I suspect I will do the training at least and use the skills to add to the performance I’m already doing. When working with clients to increase their confidence with hypnosis the more challenges I face myself in terms of overcoming lack of confidence with hypnotherapy the better placed I’ll be to help others.

So Perhaps, what I need to do in this situation is just enjoy the journey. Even if my voices are right and I am striking out in this direction a little too late at least if I do die in a few years or before I’ve had time to make my investment in money or time worth it, at least I’ll know I wasn’t giving up before I’ve even given it a shot. I mean what else am I going to do?

Just hypnotherapy for confidence? Or hypnotherapy to stop smoking? Or hypnotherapy to quit vaping.

If you’ve read this. You’re insane and you should book an appointment with a hypnotherapist on Zoom.

Lara Cox, woz here.